Back to solitary

 I always considered myself too independent to share myself with someone else romantically, give him my all. I am never the kind who expresses my feelings openly. So people around me often see me as a feeling -less person. Well I won't argue with that.

And then there's you.

I was recently romantically involved with someone (albeit shortly. But Yeah that came as a surprise to me too)- who for some unclear reasons, decided to just start treating me coldly and kinda vanished on me slowly, as if saying nothing between us ever happened. I think this is called the silence "break up". 

I was then left feeling sad, confused by the sudden and reasonless abandonment, thinking, how could I be treated so poorly by someone I had feelings for. I was lost and not sure what to do next. I think I deserve a validity of a heartbreak. (Closure is god damn important) so I went ahead to break my own heart my digging out the truths by matching bits and pieces of puzzles I've collected (im freaking good at such, mind you) and hell, you can't imagine how bad this whole situation is.

I then slowly, but surely, became officially certifiably heartbroken. And I have myself to thank, partly. I mean sure, maybe all along I'm all in this whole happiness bubble alone but that doesn't matter now anymore, does it?

I'm not sure what I did was right but I guess there's no right or wrong when it comes to the truth. Everyone thinks this whole thing is stupid but hey, unrequited is just as valid as others. So it all comes back to the first point, never let your heart feel anything because it will lead to nowhere or maybe thats just for me.

They say regrets and mistakes are memories made. I'd say goodbye to the memories but there's no hello to begin with.

I hope I could unmet you. 

You can be addicted to...

I don't really know why i seem to be constantly bringing myself down to the lowest every now and then. I know i am better than this but at the same time i am also aware how truly low i am at times. Idk, i think i might be addicted to just brain washing myself with negative thoughts about myself. I really hate feeling like this but i just can't help it :(

When will this stop? I don't know, i guess maybe never.

sigh

Solo trip to the land of smiles

Not sure bout you, but one of the many things on my "things to do before i die" list, is to travel alone. Not travelling alone from bedok to town kinda travelling Hahaha. 2 years ago, i took a plane ride to Taiwan alone to go meet my sisters because i had a paper to take on the actual day we're suppose to travel so i then booked tickets for the next day. I wouldn't say its a very bad experience, it was ok. But cos it was a 4 hours plane ride, so halfway thru i got kinda bored. I am the kind of person who needs to talk. NEED! I have no problem just talking to strangers beside me but errr... they don't look fun to me. Whats worse? I got the centre seat. FML ttm.

So idk what gotten into me but a month before the actual trip, i was just randomly browsing through Tiger airway's website and next thing i know, im keying in my details for a flight to Bangkok. I did not tell any of my family, even Maggie. Because they will definitely object, so i  kept a secret for awhile. i only told Maggie the truth a week or two before the the trip.

Ok lets stop being wordy and let the pictures do the talking!

To sum up my whole trip:

1.  Almost missed my flight because a friend came to see me off and we talked too much that i had to run literally one end to another because my belt is fucking far and i was the last passenger.
2. Bangkok is super chilly
3.  Stayed at a new hotel but location was crazily difficult to locate so i gave up walking up and down all "soi" and took a tuktuk in the end.
4.  Hotel room is very cozy, bed is very big that i think can sleep up to 4-5 people. Breakfast suck tho :/
5.  Dinner alone at restaurant opposite hotel that has free wifi. Had phad  thai and tom yum goong and mango sticky rice (i think) which i obviously can finish all alone
6. Hotel located at a very hidden area thus quite dangerous cos theres a lot of legit black niggas around that wont stop calling me whenever i walk pass them in order to go out to the streets.
7. Went to the bank at Siam paragon to exchange more money for Siam night market which made me realised Bangkok moms do know how to dress their kids up nicely!! And many are freaking rich.
8. Must eat: Banana prata without condense milk(yuck)
9. Took BTS back to hotel despite being crazily worn out from walking so much *pats back*
10. Nothing much to do and was pretty bored so i went out in the middle of the night to get some supper from 7-11 when im not hungry at all. Basically i didnt touch the food much :/
11. Petchaburi soi 19 wanton mee for breakfast cos hotel's breakfast damn sucky
12. Ask a passerby to take a photo for me and i spent 3min telling him over sign language cos he dont know what the hell im talking about.
13. Too freaking cold in the morning i decided to just head back to hotel to nua till checking out and change an outfit that matches with my SGD5 denim jacket
14. Have so much time left but not much money that i have to analyze each decision im bout to make
15. Tried to walk from Platinum to Siam because i dont have money for tuktuk/taxi but got lost instead but managed to locate nearest BTS.
16. Decided to do a massage because i have so much time left and nothing else to do
17. Spent last few hours at the airport just walking around and had a SGD10 instant lasagna -.-
18. Spent my NYE/NY on a plane ride home

A short 2D1N trip only but i really did enjoyed myself. Many asked whether  if im scared to travel alone and my answer was, the only thing im stressing over was that there wont be anyone there to take photos for me to post on instagram HAHAHHA. Really glad that i made this trip happen and i think everyone should try it. Tho its only Bangkok but hey, we gotta start small in order to go further. 

till the next solo trip :)

exams blabbering

ok so i know im not suppose to be on here, typing all the things im going to start typing because i am suppose to study for my paper tomorrow which i am damn bad at cos i talk too much in a 3 hour lecture so i dont have much time to pay attention to what lecturers have to say haha i know i know serve me right.i spent 6 hours at the library today and oh boy it is so depressing i dont know how one does the whole stuck in the library the whole day and study study study cos 6 hours is the most i can go actually no i spent like 2 hours catching up on greys anatomy and carries diaries hahah and then i came home and spent another 2.5 hour on taobao and what not seriously shopping is a much more productive activity so i know i should stop now but if i stop now it just means that i have to get back to my books which i dont really want this is my very temporary escape from studying cos my teacher in primary school used to say blogging is good its good to write down what you are thinking and feeling then one day youll turn in maybe a famous writer actually haha i just made that up yeah i know so lame yup i know too bad so seriously speaking if you read it this far i can only have you have no life like me ok so yah i think i need to get back to books or im doom tomorrow and i dont want to be doom cos dooms day isnt here yet and im too young for that shit oh who am i kidding i am turning 20 next year oh my freaking god ok bye

I think my armpit smells good

Ugh. I have been complaining so much about school, particularly bout Econs, on many social platform lately because i really ABHOR my lecturer so much. So i have been skipping quite a few Econs lesson cos its so difficult to wake up every morning knowing that i have to sit in the lecture room for 3 freaking hours listening to some oh-i-dont-give-a-fuck stuff. Pfft. Then i realized, im definitely doom for this module. HELP ME HELPPPPP.

Can you believe it that December is reaching and the year is ending already??!! TOO DAMN FAST YO. What have you accomplished? I've been trying hard to think what i've accomplished and so far and....nothing came in mind. WHAT IS THISSSSS. Cannot, This is not acceptable, i gotta squeeze something out.

oh yeah, the title is just... random thought hehe. BYE

The day where i got bitten by.....idk

So while having break last Monday, Lili, Angel, Anna and i went to Fairprice beside school to buy some snacks and while talking to them, i felt something poking my right arm and i was thinking wtf is happening and stopped our conversation and look at my arm and saw this weird looking insect that i've never seen it before in my whole life. Its black and have this little yellow color thingy on it body (its not a bee, thank god). I tried to blow it away (because that's my first reaction and thats how i deal with ants and small mosquitos) but it just stayed there. I then swiped it off using my wallet.

I thought it was no big deal but after a min, i felt short sharp pain that comes and goes, like needle poking. Felt ok throughout the whole day so i didnt really give a shit. There was this very red small dot there initially but while at work, i noticed it turned in a blister and i asked my doctor (im working as a clinic assistant if you dont already know) about it and he say that its normal so whatevs.

The next morning while getting ready for school, i noticed that i have been constantly scratching my arms so i finally check it out whats wrong, theres this red huge patch surrounding the dot-that-turn-into-a-blister (which burst itself btw) and totally went like eeeyer what on earth? HAHA

Not sure if you can see that its swollen but it is!! This was taken the next day at work (again) and i ask my doctor again (another one, theres 2) and he ask aiyo why your hand like that hahah and i was like its normal right?? He say NO? NORMAL PEOPLE NOT LIKE THAT ONE. So he said theres and infection. He then gave me a cream to apply which MADE THINGS WORSE.

Next day, that huge patch was damn freaking red and my arm is god damn swollen. Pictures wont do the justice at all.

From the side, it looked like my muscles grew (i have arm muscles from carry of my forever heavy) but haha no, its just swollen. Was working again that night so i ask my doc (first one who said it was normal with the blister thingy) about it and he freaked out while seeing it. He gave me this stronger cream to apply and the redness calmed down the next day. So yay i don't look like a freak anymore. 

A week later (which is now), its not red and swollen anymore but the patch is still there. I secretly hope that something major happen tho, like i black out after being stung and then this guy will come carry me which might fail cos im too heavy or that maybe he's too skinny hahahah

ok byebye

Just wanna lor

 Image below is just to show how my sissy always not entertain me :/

 Met up with Christie sometime this week for no apparent reason. Had pizza because when in doubt, have pizza. I really really cannot live without pizza. Then while walking over to Far east to do my nails, some CozyCot peeps stopped me saying that want to feature my outfit and of cos i said im. But they did a very bad job leh. So unflattering one, the photo. But whatevs la hahahaha. IT IS THE TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN!! TOFFEE NUT LATTE IS BACK *jump around with joy* This cup of joy is so worth every calories heheheheheh. Side note, I survived working 9 consecutive days!! Super no life but so happy its payday because i have so many things in my cart (online shopping), i need to checkout asap!! 
Today i came home after having breakfast dimsum with my family and went into 2 hours coma. I don't know why or how it happened. I GOT SO TIRED ANOT?! Hahahha quite funny because like i was just slacking on bed and all of the sudden i went coma. HAHAHAHA 

Ok byebye, theres school tomorrow booohoooo