Back to solitary

 I always considered myself too independent to share myself with someone else romantically, give him my all. I am never the kind who expresses my feelings openly. So people around me often see me as a feeling -less person. Well I won't argue with that.

And then there's you.

I was recently romantically involved with someone (albeit shortly. But Yeah that came as a surprise to me too)- who for some unclear reasons, decided to just start treating me coldly and kinda vanished on me slowly, as if saying nothing between us ever happened. I think this is called the silence "break up". 

I was then left feeling sad, confused by the sudden and reasonless abandonment, thinking, how could I be treated so poorly by someone I had feelings for. I was lost and not sure what to do next. I think I deserve a validity of a heartbreak. (Closure is god damn important) so I went ahead to break my own heart my digging out the truths by matching bits and pieces of puzzles I've collected (im freaking good at such, mind you) and hell, you can't imagine how bad this whole situation is.

I then slowly, but surely, became officially certifiably heartbroken. And I have myself to thank, partly. I mean sure, maybe all along I'm all in this whole happiness bubble alone but that doesn't matter now anymore, does it?

I'm not sure what I did was right but I guess there's no right or wrong when it comes to the truth. Everyone thinks this whole thing is stupid but hey, unrequited is just as valid as others. So it all comes back to the first point, never let your heart feel anything because it will lead to nowhere or maybe thats just for me.

They say regrets and mistakes are memories made. I'd say goodbye to the memories but there's no hello to begin with.

I hope I could unmet you. 

You can be addicted to...

I don't really know why i seem to be constantly bringing myself down to the lowest every now and then. I know i am better than this but at the same time i am also aware how truly low i am at times. Idk, i think i might be addicted to just brain washing myself with negative thoughts about myself. I really hate feeling like this but i just can't help it :(

When will this stop? I don't know, i guess maybe never.

sigh

Solo trip to the land of smiles

Not sure bout you, but one of the many things on my "things to do before i die" list, is to travel alone. Not travelling alone from bedok to town kinda travelling Hahaha. 2 years ago, i took a plane ride to Taiwan alone to go meet my sisters because i had a paper to take on the actual day we're suppose to travel so i then booked tickets for the next day. I wouldn't say its a very bad experience, it was ok. But cos it was a 4 hours plane ride, so halfway thru i got kinda bored. I am the kind of person who needs to talk. NEED! I have no problem just talking to strangers beside me but errr... they don't look fun to me. Whats worse? I got the centre seat. FML ttm.

So idk what gotten into me but a month before the actual trip, i was just randomly browsing through Tiger airway's website and next thing i know, im keying in my details for a flight to Bangkok. I did not tell any of my family, even Maggie. Because they will definitely object, so i  kept a secret for awhile. i only told Maggie the truth a week or two before the the trip.

Ok lets stop being wordy and let the pictures do the talking!

To sum up my whole trip:

1.  Almost missed my flight because a friend came to see me off and we talked too much that i had to run literally one end to another because my belt is fucking far and i was the last passenger.
2. Bangkok is super chilly
3.  Stayed at a new hotel but location was crazily difficult to locate so i gave up walking up and down all "soi" and took a tuktuk in the end.
4.  Hotel room is very cozy, bed is very big that i think can sleep up to 4-5 people. Breakfast suck tho :/
5.  Dinner alone at restaurant opposite hotel that has free wifi. Had phad  thai and tom yum goong and mango sticky rice (i think) which i obviously can finish all alone
6. Hotel located at a very hidden area thus quite dangerous cos theres a lot of legit black niggas around that wont stop calling me whenever i walk pass them in order to go out to the streets.
7. Went to the bank at Siam paragon to exchange more money for Siam night market which made me realised Bangkok moms do know how to dress their kids up nicely!! And many are freaking rich.
8. Must eat: Banana prata without condense milk(yuck)
9. Took BTS back to hotel despite being crazily worn out from walking so much *pats back*
10. Nothing much to do and was pretty bored so i went out in the middle of the night to get some supper from 7-11 when im not hungry at all. Basically i didnt touch the food much :/
11. Petchaburi soi 19 wanton mee for breakfast cos hotel's breakfast damn sucky
12. Ask a passerby to take a photo for me and i spent 3min telling him over sign language cos he dont know what the hell im talking about.
13. Too freaking cold in the morning i decided to just head back to hotel to nua till checking out and change an outfit that matches with my SGD5 denim jacket
14. Have so much time left but not much money that i have to analyze each decision im bout to make
15. Tried to walk from Platinum to Siam because i dont have money for tuktuk/taxi but got lost instead but managed to locate nearest BTS.
16. Decided to do a massage because i have so much time left and nothing else to do
17. Spent last few hours at the airport just walking around and had a SGD10 instant lasagna -.-
18. Spent my NYE/NY on a plane ride home

A short 2D1N trip only but i really did enjoyed myself. Many asked whether  if im scared to travel alone and my answer was, the only thing im stressing over was that there wont be anyone there to take photos for me to post on instagram HAHAHHA. Really glad that i made this trip happen and i think everyone should try it. Tho its only Bangkok but hey, we gotta start small in order to go further. 

till the next solo trip :)